An Excerpt from Let Me Tell Ya
“Before we get into my tellin’ ya too much a what I’m gonna tell ya, we should probably get a few things straight between us. The first thing is sometimes ya owe it to yourself ta listen to someone you don’t believe in. Just because I ain’t from your neighborhood, it don’t mean there needs ta be a wall between us. Especially a wall a words like we got here. Be a shame ta be separated by a wall a words.
Besides, I’ve come from a world just like yours. So relax. There’s only one slight difference of note. Unlike the Savior you’re used ta hearing about in your world, the Savior in my world took a left turn somewhere and ended up in the state a Maine instead of the Middle East. Maybe he was mixed up by both places going by the same initials of ME.
I jest.
In your world, this woulda been a huge mistake. But in my world, this was the plan all along. So don’t panic. Other than that, everything is just the same, just a tiny, little 5,300-mile geographic shift in perspective. You should feel right at home here. Everything is —
Oh wait, nope. There’s one more thing. You’re gonna have to make a little Daylight Savings Time adjustment on your clocks. Set ’em ahead by about two thousand years. Give or take. That’s because you’re used ta hearing about the Messiah from some two thousand years ago. But I’ll be talking about the Messiah making his appearance in the mid ta late 1970s. Same difference. So, other than them two small, insignificant details, you should have no problem with my tellin’ ya what I’m gonna tell ya.
No, no, no. Hold on a second. I did think of another detail. That is if you’re from away. That’d be the problem of proper translation. I ain’t talkin’ Greek and Hebrew here. I’m talkin’ of communicating through a completely alien foreign language when it comes to most people’s ears. I’m talkin’ Downeast.
Ayuh.
If you’re readin’ this and don’t think I sound like I’m talkin’ Downeast, it could be ’cause you ain’t hearing my talkin’. You’re seeing the spelling. When you read t-h-e-r-e, I’m usually saying “they-uh.” When you read s-t-a-r-t, I’m saying “staht.” When you read the word b-o-a-t, I’m saying — Actually, there ain’t no way ta properly spell out in print how I say that one.
So, I’m gonna do something I don’t usually do. I’m gonna lower my standards for little ol’ Miss Elocution and make a compromise. For the sake a your sanity, we’ll spell most our words your way, with just a little bit a me coming through in the usual fashion.
There should be no need for a glossary as we’ll only preserve a few Maine words for ya. The Maine words you’ll need to note are as follows: Ayuh, which means “yup,” and a lot a other things positive, like “amen.” Dow, which means “nope,” as in, “I doubt it so much, it ain’t possible.” There’s just one "they-uh" there, just ta give ya a feel for it. And some places where I mix heart with hat. Then, there’s rully for “really.” And gawgeous, like them fall leaves in October, the way “gorgeous” should be. And ya for “you” half the time. On that last one, just be careful ta say it as “yuh” and not as “yeah,” like they do in Boston and evil Massachusetts. There’s more words, too, like wicked, which is spelled normal but has somewhat repented of its evil ways in the state a Maine, especially when describing potato chips. We’d be here all day, though, if I didn’t leave some a the translating up to you.
Now, with these simple instructions, you should be all set. And with all the money you’re saving by not having ta buy a lexicon of Maine words, you might just want to invest in a Maine atlas and gazetteer so you can follow us as we follow the Maine Messiah. Though for the cheapskate — I mean true Yankee — such as myself, I’ve got a friend who’s made a hand-drawn Maine map with most a the essentials for you. Or you could just jump in with both feet and see if ya sink or swim. As you’ll see, I’m partial ta that last option.
Like I said, most of our differences are trivial. But I’ll give ya a little push in the right direction with a quote from another good friend a mine: Mack. He’s the one writing out the thing I’m gonna tell ya ’bout. He’s good at it too. He can type and everything. He’s quite the quiet type. Whereas I’m more the talkin’ type.
Here’s how he gets started with Josh, the Maine Messiah.
The beginning of the Gospel story about Joshua, the Maine Messiah, the Son of God, as it’s written in Isaiaer and the prophets: “Look-it, I’m sending a surveyor your way, who’ll prepare the way for ya ta follow. The voice a one calling from the wilderness of the north woods a Maine, saying: ‘Prepare the roadway a the Lord! Make his paths a superhighway like I-95!’” — Mack 1:1–3
Now, I’m gonna tell ya what I’m gonna tell ya ’bout the Maine Messiah.” — Rock Johnson
Besides, I’ve come from a world just like yours. So relax. There’s only one slight difference of note. Unlike the Savior you’re used ta hearing about in your world, the Savior in my world took a left turn somewhere and ended up in the state a Maine instead of the Middle East. Maybe he was mixed up by both places going by the same initials of ME.
I jest.
In your world, this woulda been a huge mistake. But in my world, this was the plan all along. So don’t panic. Other than that, everything is just the same, just a tiny, little 5,300-mile geographic shift in perspective. You should feel right at home here. Everything is —
Oh wait, nope. There’s one more thing. You’re gonna have to make a little Daylight Savings Time adjustment on your clocks. Set ’em ahead by about two thousand years. Give or take. That’s because you’re used ta hearing about the Messiah from some two thousand years ago. But I’ll be talking about the Messiah making his appearance in the mid ta late 1970s. Same difference. So, other than them two small, insignificant details, you should have no problem with my tellin’ ya what I’m gonna tell ya.
No, no, no. Hold on a second. I did think of another detail. That is if you’re from away. That’d be the problem of proper translation. I ain’t talkin’ Greek and Hebrew here. I’m talkin’ of communicating through a completely alien foreign language when it comes to most people’s ears. I’m talkin’ Downeast.
Ayuh.
If you’re readin’ this and don’t think I sound like I’m talkin’ Downeast, it could be ’cause you ain’t hearing my talkin’. You’re seeing the spelling. When you read t-h-e-r-e, I’m usually saying “they-uh.” When you read s-t-a-r-t, I’m saying “staht.” When you read the word b-o-a-t, I’m saying — Actually, there ain’t no way ta properly spell out in print how I say that one.
So, I’m gonna do something I don’t usually do. I’m gonna lower my standards for little ol’ Miss Elocution and make a compromise. For the sake a your sanity, we’ll spell most our words your way, with just a little bit a me coming through in the usual fashion.
There should be no need for a glossary as we’ll only preserve a few Maine words for ya. The Maine words you’ll need to note are as follows: Ayuh, which means “yup,” and a lot a other things positive, like “amen.” Dow, which means “nope,” as in, “I doubt it so much, it ain’t possible.” There’s just one "they-uh" there, just ta give ya a feel for it. And some places where I mix heart with hat. Then, there’s rully for “really.” And gawgeous, like them fall leaves in October, the way “gorgeous” should be. And ya for “you” half the time. On that last one, just be careful ta say it as “yuh” and not as “yeah,” like they do in Boston and evil Massachusetts. There’s more words, too, like wicked, which is spelled normal but has somewhat repented of its evil ways in the state a Maine, especially when describing potato chips. We’d be here all day, though, if I didn’t leave some a the translating up to you.
Now, with these simple instructions, you should be all set. And with all the money you’re saving by not having ta buy a lexicon of Maine words, you might just want to invest in a Maine atlas and gazetteer so you can follow us as we follow the Maine Messiah. Though for the cheapskate — I mean true Yankee — such as myself, I’ve got a friend who’s made a hand-drawn Maine map with most a the essentials for you. Or you could just jump in with both feet and see if ya sink or swim. As you’ll see, I’m partial ta that last option.
Like I said, most of our differences are trivial. But I’ll give ya a little push in the right direction with a quote from another good friend a mine: Mack. He’s the one writing out the thing I’m gonna tell ya ’bout. He’s good at it too. He can type and everything. He’s quite the quiet type. Whereas I’m more the talkin’ type.
Here’s how he gets started with Josh, the Maine Messiah.
The beginning of the Gospel story about Joshua, the Maine Messiah, the Son of God, as it’s written in Isaiaer and the prophets: “Look-it, I’m sending a surveyor your way, who’ll prepare the way for ya ta follow. The voice a one calling from the wilderness of the north woods a Maine, saying: ‘Prepare the roadway a the Lord! Make his paths a superhighway like I-95!’” — Mack 1:1–3
Now, I’m gonna tell ya what I’m gonna tell ya ’bout the Maine Messiah.” — Rock Johnson